


Hurt

by DreamingKate



Category: Glee
Genre: Depression, M/M, discussion of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 19:28:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3500162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingKate/pseuds/DreamingKate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave knew that there was a lot of reasons for someone to go to a bar and he knew the moment he saw him that the reason Blaine was here was to lose himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt

Bars were a place to find something.

In the beginning, Dave went to Scandals to find some support. He just needed to be around people like him. The people he met were warm and welcoming, happy to just be a listening ear as Dave tried to figure himself out.

Then, when he had some confidence, he went to Scandals to find some companionship. After crushing on someone like Kurt Hummel for so long he was actually surprised that some people were attracted to him. Dave fumbled around in the bathrooms a few times but it never felt right. 

Now, he was just here to get comfortable. Coming to Scandals almost felt like coming home in a weird way. He was friends with a few of the regulars and drag queens and finally felt like he could be himself. They were all excited to hear about his new boyfriend at Ohio State and how his life was going. 

Dave was so busy catching up with everyone that he didn’t even notice the small figure at the end of the bar. Nothing about the person reminded him of Blaine Anderson at all. 

His posture was slumped over, looking nothing like his prim and perfect way he used to hold himself. His normally bright eyes were dull and stared blankly into his now empty glass. Even his outfit was off. The old jeans and grey sweatshirt with the hood pulled up over his messy, curly hair. 

The first hour he was at the bar he sat with his friends, eyes locked on the man sitting at the bar. Of course Dave had seen people come to the bar for the sole reason of drinking themselves into oblivion. They wanted to drown themselves until they were too far down to even try to swim to the surface. 

He excused himself and walked over to Blaine who was slumped over even further.

“Blaine? Hey,” Dave lingered behind him as he slowly turned dazed eyes towards him and gave him a humorless smile. 

“David Karofsky,” Blaine said slowly, words a little slurred. “I haven’t seen you since…well in a long time. How are you man?”

“Fine,” Dave nodded. “I’m going to Ohio State, majoring in sports management. Can I join you?”

Blaine nodded down to the open seat next to him and Dave sat as he held up his glass for another drink. A faint feeling of unease flickered at the back of his mind when Blaine took a long swig.

“Glad to hear your doing well,” he mumbled. 

“And you? Are you visiting from New York?” Dave pressed and another faint smile quirked at the edges of Blaine’s lips. 

“Indefinitely,” he said softly. “I flunked out of NYADA so now I’m stuck living with my parents who would much rather I not be here.”

Dave froze. “Flunked out? Are you and Kurt doing a long distance thing then?”

Blaine’s face set and flickered slightly before he closed his eyes. “No. Apparently when you put your schoolwork on the side to try to work on a failing relationship you not only lose your spot at school but your relationship as well.”

“You two broke up?” Dave stared at him. Kurt and Blaine were the couple who were going to make it. They were the couple that Dave had always thought of as his goal in life. He had wanted so badly to be as happy as they were. 

“Yeah. He gave me back the ring,” Blaine drained the rest of his drink. 

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know?” He shrugged. “Go home to my parents who won’t stop reminding me that it’s for the best, that I got my gay phase out of my system. Maybe to my friends but they’ve all moved on or hate me. Maybe I’ll just…find some way to disappear.”

A sense of dread settled in the bottom of his stomach like a rock. He remembered feeling that sameness of hopelessness, like nothing would ever get better. He saw the same hopelessness in Blaine and it terrified him. 

“What do you mean Blaine?”

Blaine let out a huff and waved his hand, looking far drunker than before. “They always tell you to look for things to look forward to, that things will get better. Well, the love of my life left me because he had bigger dreams to follow and they didn’t involve me. My parents tell me that I’ll get over this phase. My friends think I ruined everything. My future is over. So tell me, what do I have to look forward to?”

He gave him a small smirk when Dave didn’t answer. 

“You’re scaring me a little Blaine,” Dave said softly. “What are you saying?”

“Nothing,” Blaine shrugged, finishing his drink. He stumbled to his feet and swayed for a moment before clapping a hand on his back. “Well, nice to see you again Dave.”

“Wait!” He grabbed at Blaine’s sleeve. “Let me drive you home.”

“No. I’ll drive myself.”

“So you can drive over a bridge or something?” Dave tightened his grip. “I’m driving you to my house and you’re going to sleep this off.”

When he had his suicide attempt he was convinced he wanted to die. He wanted to end the pain but it was a moment of passion. Afterwards he was beyond grateful that it didn’t work. For Blaine, this didn’t seem like something said in a moment of passion. This was something he had planned and this was something he wanted. 

“Let me go,” Blaine said slowly.

“No.”

It took some time but Dave managed to partially carry Blaine to his car and deposited him in the back seat. The alcohol all seemed to hit Blaine at the same time and he just laid still, eyes locked on the ceiling. 

“You’ll feel better in the morning,” Dave mumbled, mostly to himself, as he started the car. He flinched at the slightly hysterical laugh from Blaine. 

“No I won’t.”

A low thrum of fear made Dave’s chest feel tight as he got Blaine some water and tucked into bed. He settled down next to the bed, thankful that his parents were out of town for the week. The last thing he wanted was to fall asleep and have Blaine choke on his own vomit. 

Never would he have ever thought that Blaine Anderson of all people would be suicidal. He wore that brilliant, bright showman’s smile all the time and came across as perfect. It was almost bizarre to see this side of him. 

When Blaine woke up he was completely silent. He accepted the offered peanut butter toast and nibbled at it but never said a word. 

“We should talk,” Dave said softly and Blaine continued to stare blankly ahead. “When I attempted…it was the worst thing in the world. I was trying so hard to bury everything inside of me that I hated that it boiled over. It wasn’t that I hated myself or anything I just felt like my life had ended.”

“But it didn’t,” Blaine said lowly and sarcastically. 

“No. Because the suicide wouldn’t have taken away the pain, it would have just transferred that pain to my family,” Dave finished, hands gripped together. 

“Where would the pain have gone? To my nonexistent parents? To my friends who hate me? To my ex who wants nothing to do with me?” Blaine continued to look straight ahead. 

“So what? The world would be better with you not in it?” Dave asked and Blaine’s lips quirked. 

“No. The world would be exactly the same. My parents would have the son they always wanted in my brother, my friends would move on and Kurt…Kurt will find someone who is good to him. For the world to be a better place once you left you have to make an impact. In a few months no one will even remember I existed,” he put down half the slice of toast.

“That’s not true.”

“Really?” Blaine finally glanced at him. “If I didn’t run into you tonight would you really notice? Sure you’d hear that I killed myself and sure it would be a sad moment but then it would be over. You wouldn’t even remember my name.”

“I know it looks hopeless now but-“

“But things will get better? I’ll get my chance back at a once in a lifetime chance on Broadway? I’ll find someone I love half as much as Kurt? From where I’m sitting there really isn’t much to get better. It’s okay though. I was the happiest I’ve ever been and I don’t see myself getting better,” Blaine’s eyes hardened. “People say it’s selfish but…how is it fair for me to spend the rest of my life suffering so they don’t have to hurt? Who’s being selfish then?”

Dave felt like he was going to be sick. “It’s not worth it.”

“The only time I’m not in pain is when I’m sleeping. The logical conclusion is to sleep for as long as possible,” Blaine stood up. “Mind if I take a shower? I promise not to drown myself.”

Dave nodded and Blaine went into the bathroom. The moment the shower turned on Dave pulled out his phone and went through his contacts until he found Kurt’s number. His hands shook slightly as he held it to his ear.

“David?” Kurt’s high voice made him jump. 

“Hi Kurt,” Dave twisted a little to glance at the closed bathroom door. “Blaine’s over here at my house.”

“Is he?” It was obvious that Kurt was trying to sound disinterested. 

“He’s going to kill himself.”

“What?” His voice went even higher and Dave winced. “Is he okay? What happened?”

“Nothing’s happened yet. I found him at Scandals trying to drink himself to death and he told me what happened between you. He’s…he’s made his mind up Kurt,” he could hear Kurt’s breath hitch. “And I don’t know how you feel about him anymore but I know you loved him once. He parents are horrible, all your friends are ignoring him, you…he doesn’t feel like anyone is there for him.”

Kurt was silent on the other end of the phone and for a moment Dave thought he had hung up. “What do I do?”

“I have no idea Kurt,” Dave sighed. “But I’m scared for him to leave my house. He just looked so resigned, like he had come to peace with it.”

“We just aren’t the same people we were in high school. I can’t promise him that we’ll get back together,” Kurt sounded a little panicked. “I don’t want him to die.”

“Then tell him that,” Dave heard the shower shut off and waited until Blaine stepped out. “Talk to Kurt.”

“I don’t want to,” Blaine shook his head. “I’m not about to let you have my ex guilt trip me.”

“Put me on speaker,” Kurt said firmly into his ear. Dave hit the button and sat back. “Blaine, listen to me. You’re about to make a terrible mistake.”

“It’s really none of your concern Kurt, you made sure of that,” Blaine called out and pulled on his hoodie. 

“If you’re about to kill yourself over me I…I would never forgive myself,” Kurt’s voice cracked.

“Hm,” Blaine shot Dave another look. “And me killing myself is the selfish way out.”

He took a few steps towards the door and Dave’s heart skipped a beat. “Don’t leave.”

“Hang up, call 911,” Kurt said shortly and Dave pressed the end call button before dialing 911. He stared Blaine in the eye as the phone call connected. 

“Hello? Yes, my friend is suicidal,” he said firmly, never looking away from Blaine’s sad eyes. 

“Why do you even care that much?” Blaine asked softly after the call finished, still standing by the door. 

“Because I’ve been with you on that side and I don’t want anyone to feel that pain,” Dave patted the bed next to him. “Just wait for them with me.”

Blaine hesitated before sitting down. 

Dave remembered how it felt to want to die. He remembered the darkness overwhelming everything but he also remembered that faint light of hope. He just hoped that that same hope that there was something else beyond the darkness hadn’t been snuffed out in Blaine yet.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on season 6 spoilers. After Kurt breaks up with Blaine, he goes home to Lima only to find his parents won’t talk to him and none of his friends will talk to him either. He starts sneaking into Scandals and getting drunk, Karofsky starts talking to Blaine one night and he admits he wants to kill himself. Cue Karofsky trying to be a friend to him and attempt to talk to Kurt about what Blaine told him. Please no Blainofsky romantic relationship.


End file.
